Pain
by x.Tohru.Seraphina.x
Summary: I’m putting my walls back up so that you can’t hurt me again...and neither can anyone else...' We find out why Dana's so angry Bad Language Dana's P.O.V. Oneshot drabble


**Heyya! This at first was just an outlet for my feelings, but when I read it over it sounded like something that Dana would write. I can honestly say that as I was writing this I cried my eyes out. It's in Dana's P.O.V. Now I'll just let you read….**

To 'My Brother'

You fucking hate me, don't you? All I ever wanted from you was for you to protect me and be proud of me….But you never cared….You never loved me and I doubt you ever will….There's so much I wanna say to you but I once it's said, I can't take it back….I can't act and pretend that it's all good and that I don't care about whether you love me or not….I can't fake it 'til the point where I almost believe it myself…

Sometimes I think you do care because that once in a while you'll say or do something that makes me think different….But then you do something to turn it around again….why can't you just act like you care? Or that you're proud of me, just to make me happy? Or just to tell me that everything's gonna be okay when we both know you're lying? To wipe away my tears when I'm crying? Just to make me think that you really do love me and you really do care….and even if you're pretending….it wouldn't matter to me coz you'd still being doing it….

I wanna be able to feel safe because I know that you'll always protect me and always be there for me….but I can't….I past that point where I can kind myself that it's all gonna be okay….

I'm a big girl now and I know that nothing will ever be okay….I sound so selfish but I'm only human…I have feelings…I feel pain just like you do…I cry just like you do…But you'll never know that….

I don't expect you to be invincible to Superman…but I just want you to be there….to always be there…

.I'm a big girl now and I don't need you anymore…I'm independent and I can take care of my self…I don't need a big brother to be there and protect me forever….I've been doing it for 15 years by self and nothing's gonna change now…

Coz you won't ever know how much it hurts me and what I think and feel….because to you I'm just a little kid that lives in your house that you have no connection to what so ever….and I'm okay with that because I can still kid myself that I don't need now and I never will….

To 'My Sisters'

You don't care about me either do you? I bet you fucking hate me too…don't pretend just coz you think it will make me feel better…

I know you hate my friends….but why? Why can't you just pretend or try and like them for me?

I'm being selfish again but I can't help it….I want you to know all of this but you never will coz I'll never be able to tell you….I'll never be able to look you in the eyes and say that I'm okay with the way you feel about my friends…the way treat them…the way you treat me….If you hate my friends you might as well hate me too because we're the same…

But who am I kidding you never wanted me around…once upon a time I use to look up to you and want to be like you…but now I hope I never turn out like you guys…I've always hated those people who have no backbone when it comes to certain people…well I hope you're proud of you're selves because you've made me become something I hate….I hope you're happy because I hate myself …

I always thought of you guys as the sisters I never had…but I was wrong…I always had my sisters….I was just to blind to see it…they're my best friends…they'll always be there for me…and if you hate them you hate me too…You may think I'm gonna running back to you again but ill never make that mistake again…I know the people I truly love…

I could say that I hate you right now but I cant….I'll never be able to hate you guys or anyone else…I'll always love you….but I'll always remember the times I've cried because of you…all the times I've helped you and everything that has and will happen coz ill never be able to say no to you…

I hope you're all happy without me…I'll pretend that I am without you but I know I won't be…I can lie to everyone around me…But I can't lie to my heart…

I hope you my so-called 'big sisters' are happy…thanks to the three of you I've become something I truly hate…I hope you can take pride in the fact that you've succeed in making me hate myself…

To 'My Siblings'

No one will ever find out how I feel…not even the four of you who this is about…I'll never be able to tell you coz once I've said it…it's done and I can't take it back…none of us will be able to pretend that it's all okay….there feelings are gonna stay locked up inside my heart…I'm putting my walls back up so that you can't hurt me again…and neither can anyone else….

**I'm not expecting any reviews [although they would be nice. I'm just posting this for the sake of it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Zoey 101...  
**


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